Ramble, venting, self-pity. Don't like, don't read.

[barush]

So, a while ago I've felt like rambling. Now I just feel like I have no life. Which I don't, so it's pretty accurate.

Depression's settling in again, it seems. But it's hard to stay happy when people you care for are ignoring you. No, it's not any hidden hint or anything, I don't mean you. The people I mean won't even read this, since they're ignoring me. Self-pity ftw, yes?

Also, I'm tired of people flat out telling me I'm fat. I mean, I know I am, but where are your fucking manners people?! I don't need to be reminded of it every single day of my fucking life.  Then again, I know it's all my mother's doing. She thinks that if random people will be telling me I need to lose weight, I will start to do something about it eventually. But you're WRONG, mother! I'm a fucking Aries = STUBBORN! So the more she'll try to get me to do something the more discouraged I'll get. Because God forbid I'd do something people are telling me to do, for once. Yeah, I'm like this, so sue me.

Okay, so it seems my urge to ramble has returned. Good?

It was my father's b-day last Sunday (I think). I sent him a text message and he invited me for lunch sometime. I really wanted to reply right away but I was so sick on Sunday (the antibiotics disaster) that I completely forgot. On Monday it was my uncle's funeral and my father went there (so at least some family would be there) and I thought it was rather inappropriate. Then I forgot again and it's Thursday now. Too fucking late. And I'm starting to feel bad about it.

Some of you might have noticed I don't really have the best relationship with my father. Or none at all. And since we moved with my mother I don't see him often at all so my feelings towards him formed into 3 stages. 1. the time I actually am with him. He complains he doesn't see me enough, tries to look like a kicked puppy and blames it all on me. That always gets me so fucking angry that I'm fuming for a few days after that. Stage 2 is when I totally forget that I even have any father and just don't really care about him at all. The 3rd one is when I realize I haven't actually seen him for a few weeks and I start feel bad about it. It's like a fucking circle with 3 main stops.

So it's stage 3 now. I fell bad 'cause the last time I saw my father was like 2 weeks ago and I haven't even replied to that fucking message. And I dunno what to do now. Text him 5 days later and tell him I have time for lunch only from the next Tuesday on? Kinda lame. But I know I'll have to see him at some point or another in the future anyway. I am so fucking jealous of all people who at least talk with their fathers, seriously. Maybe it'll surprise you, but communication does actually make things easier *sigh*

Oh well. I'm sorry if you've made it here. But don't worry, you can leave now.

Also, I should totally rename this journal to 'Whining journal' so people at least know what to expect when they stumble upon it.

EDIT:  YAY we have a gold medal in women's javelin throw!=)) Also, both US men's and women's 4x100 relay dropped the baton! I was like 'wtf??!!' But that means I can cheer for Jamaica now=))

Comments

[demetrelli.livejournal.com]

Well, journals are meant for whining, where else could you possibly whine?

If your weight doesn't affect your health, I don't see why people have to make such a big deal and even be rude about it. *shakes head*

And I understand what you mean about communication with your father. Fathers are always more difficult than mothers because they have no idea how to approach you other than the "I give you money to live" factor. Or at least that's my father. But I think you should text your father even a week afterwards, he'll appreciate it.

And congrats on winning a gold medal!:)

[barush.livejournal.com]

Yeah I know journals are for whining but I still feel kinda bad about it, hm.

And yeah, my father has no idea how to talk to me at all. And he doesn't give me almost any money at all. Just that what was decided by court and that's not even enough for food let alone anything else. But yeah, I'll have to text him sooner or later, can't avoid that.

[greasers.livejournal.com]

It's your journal, you're allowed to whine however much you want! Besides, I'd be whining too if I had to deal with what you're going through.

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel a little better, but in reality, I have nothing. I just hope things look up for you soon babe. ♥

[barush.livejournal.com]

Well just saying anything makes me feel better already so thank you <33

[malaiyas.livejournal.com]

i hope things will start looking up soon and i'm sorry you feel so bad right now.

as the others have said, it's perfectly fine to complain in your journal. look at how much i whine in mine! pretty much every entry. ;P

what really struck me about this was the bit about people telling you that you're fat. that's so unbelievably rude and just... wow. so unnecessary. that really needs to stop.

i'm sure things will start looking up for you, i just hope it's sooner rather than later.

[barush.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you <33

Yeah well, I know LJ is the best place for whining but on the other hand I feel kinda bad for the people who actually read it=)

that's so unbelievably rude and just... wow. I mean, I do appreciate honesty but there are some things you just keep to yourself, really. Argh.

Thanx again for your nice words, it really does help to know some people care a bit=)