Bad day (aka Whining)

[barush]

Today was a really bad day. For me anyway. It's not like something particularly bad happened, just one of those shitty days when nothing goes according to your plan. What plan, you wonder? Just a figure of speech, obviously. It all started in the morning, I had to wake up at 9, after 5 hours of sleep, to go to a vet with my friend and her rabbit. I was sleepy and grumpy and hot. Hot due to hot weather. Then I went home, still sleepy and even more grumpy, just to go to the city with the same friend in a while. When I stepped out of the door, I realized the temperature dropped like 10 degrees. And I had no time to go back for a sweater or something, perfect. Then we missed a bus so we had to wait on a bus stop, me freezing to death and my friend just fine in her cardigan. So much for jealousy.

I dunno whose idea it was actually, but we ended up eating a pizza for lunch. Outside. Yes, outside. But by that time I was already frozen so I didn't feel the cold anymore. Or that was what I was trying to tell myself. With little success though. On the way home I got a call from my mother telling me she'd be home after 9pm. I haven't seen her since Tuesday morning. From the tone of her voice I got the hint and realized just why she'd be home so late. My parents are divorced by the way, but we're still all living in the same flat. My mother and I are moving out around Christmas though. Can't wait.

I think the phone call was the last straw, after that my mood dropped same as the temperature had done before. I knew my mother would have another mEn, but that didn't mean I needed to know more about it. And the tone of her voice while telling me "I got stuck here" was just the more I didn't need. It made me sick to my stomach, literally. I know I'm over reacting but my already bad mood is to blame partially.

At that moment though I realized how lonely I actually am. I'm losing friends one after another. I've already heard some rumors that are supposed to be circulating around, about me being a "gossiping bitch". Well, I'm not aware I've said anything, but I'll have to wait till Monday when school starts. There are 2 people I can be absolutely honest with and can rely on them. The rest... Just "mates". There was a point today where I felt like crying but I managed to suppress it. I think I'm on a verge of a real depression and I'm seriously thinking about visiting a psychiatrist. So much for the irony with both my parents being psychologists.

Now I'm sitting here, hot from fever and sore throat, about to go out with our half-dead dog. I'm not being bitter, I just don't care anymore. I've given up inwardly.

Comments

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

If it helps, I've been in the same situation--with the rumors and the loneliness. In 8th grade, for instance, most of my classmates decided that I was "going to school to become an assassin and come back and kill us all."

Ignoring the fact...you can't go to school to become an assassin, unless you go into the black market. And I've no access to the black market. I am also a psycho. And a bitch. I've a bad rep, so I never had many friends. So, um... You're not alone. I finally have a friend *rolls eyes* took me about six years. But if you ever want (if you have AIM), you can IM me and rant. People tell me I help.

Or at least, I hope I help.

...I don't think this rant is helping...

[barush.livejournal.com]

He he assassin, that really made me laugh!=) Not that your situation would be funny or anything...*grin*

Well, actually, your rant is helping=) Really, it does help to know you're not the only person in the world with such issues. Because lately I've been feeling like that. All the people around me are all fun and partying but with my rather introvert personality I don't found that much appealing. Or it might be the people, I dunno.

Sadly, I don't have AIM, only msn, but thanx for the offer anyway, it's honestly appreciated!

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

It'll be funny ten years from now but it almost got me suspended or expelled. Somebody called in 10th grade and said I had a hit list.

I know how you feel. I get depressed often and it's hard remembering there are a couple million people in the world who have the same problem because you're caught up in your own feelings. I also don't like to party. I'm straight edge, for the most part, and a lot of people don't get why I don't do drugs...

[barush.livejournal.com]

I think that drugs aren't so popular here=) or at least not within the circle of people I know. Just a couple of them smokes pot but that's actually it. And partying can be fun sometimes, but with the right people, again.

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

Probably best. Last time I went to a party I got into a fight with somebody who weighed twice as much as me.

[barush.livejournal.com]

Wow, that doesn't sound like much fun=) or maybe it was for the people who were looking, I can imagine=)

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

...I think I won.